Re-defining Normal
On Re-Defining Normal, we are having conversations to question conventional thinking and talk about the courage it takes to create, and live, a deliciously vibrant life.
This podcast is for people who know there's a better way to do life and love....how we show up in connection to others, our kids, our partner, our business... and beyond that our relationship with money, vitality and more than anything, ourselves.
We're two shamelessly unapologetic moms choosing to experience the fullness of life and we're collapsing the conditioning that says you can't live a life of pleasure, peace and abundance in the midst of the mundane of work, life and kids.
Re-defining Normal
What If Scenarios: Balancing Future Aspirations with Present Contentment
Ever catch yourself fantasizing about "what could have been" even when everything seems perfect? Join us this week on Redefining Normal as Jamie and I uncover why our minds drift into these "what if" scenarios and how they steal joy from our present moments. Through a recent personal story about selling a house, we'll illustrate how even the best outcomes can lead to unnecessary mental wanderings. We'll discuss how this mindset impacts every facet of life—from relationships and parenting to business goals—and share strategies for balancing future aspirations with a peaceful appreciation of the present.
Explore the delicate balance between contentment and the desire for change with us. We emphasize the importance of internal alignment, gratitude, and the courage to make necessary changes when something isn’t serving us. We'll also dive into the transformative power of shifting your inner dialogue. Learn how changing your mindset can bring about profound peace and contentment, even if your external circumstances remain the same. Packed with personal anecdotes and practical affirmations, this episode is your guide to cultivating a more serene and abundant life.
Welcome to Redefining Normal. Join us as we question conventional thinking and talk about the courage it takes to create and live a deliciously vibrant life.
Speaker 2:This podcast is for people who know there's a better way to do life and love how we show up in connection to others our kids, our partners, our business and, beyond that, our relationship with money, vitality and, more than anything, ourselves.
Speaker 1:We're two shamelessly unapologetic moms choosing to experience the fullness of life.
Speaker 2:And we're collapsing the conditioning that says you can't live a life of pleasure, peace and abundance in the midst of the mundane of life, responsibilities, work and kids.
Speaker 1:Are you ready? Let's do this. This week, Jamie and I are going to drop into a conversation around contentment, which doesn't sound very exciting, but I promise you will change your life. And what was the other thing? We were just saying? What?
Speaker 2:were we just talking about the grass being greener? The?
Speaker 1:grass being greener, that's right. The grass being greener on the other side, yeah, so go ahead, jamie. What do you want to? How do you want to start this?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So this has been playing a lot for me lately the mind's tendency to play in fantasy and like what, if, what could be, which really is not real. It's just ideas. I have an open head and Ajna, and so ideas come in and out of me a lot and I'm starting to recognize how that plays out in my contentness. The thing that highlighted this for me is we recently sold our house. We set a price and we put it on the market within 20 hours. We had a full offer, sale, quick closing, very few contingencies, everything we wanted, everything we wanted, and immediately it was like oh, should we have priced it higher? Should we have waited? What if a better offer came?
Speaker 2:In All these imaginary scenarios that do not exist, they're all fantasy, they're all pretend. Things started playing and then a guy, like a week later, drove by the house and he's like it's already sold. Oh my gosh, how much I was interested, you know, and I was like again could we have made more money? Could we have? You know? It was like wow, how quickly the mind could pull me out of deep contentment for the universe, literally saying yes to everything I asked for, and I couldn't just sit with contentment with that you know, it was like to just be super grateful to have had every, every checkbox, every checkbox met right, and how easily it was to get pulled into this.
Speaker 2:The grass is greener in, of course it is. In fantasy land that doesn't exist, that's all imaginary, the grass can be greener, but looking at where it pulls us out of deep contentment for what is and our capacity to just be with what is, you know, like what is right in front of us, what is real, and how often we're not responding to that because we're playing in mental, intellectual potential versus probability of the now and then relationships. We see this all the time and parenting and business and life in general, right, like we so quickly want to I don't know play in the idea of what could have been, what could be, versus what is life showing me right now. What is life showing me right now?
Speaker 1:How do I be content and grateful for all of the gifts in this moment? It's interesting. Something I really started to add on to this, something I started thinking about a couple of years ago, was around goal setting and putting ourselves out into the future vision, right, and having this goal that in a year's time I'm going to have this, in five years time I'm going to have this, dah, dah, dah. And then we put this uh, it feels like a rubber band, tension between where we are now to where that is, and there's a constant need to hold this tension that ultimately creates anxiety in my body.
Speaker 1:This is what I started to pay attention to. It was like the further out I would want to put a goal and the more that I would attach to or want that or think about that or have to move towards that, the more tension there has been in my body. Now I say this, you guys, as a person who teaches money, manifestation things and wealth clearing and wealth consciousness like, of course, we're going to put out into the future what we fricking want, right? So I'm not saying to you not to actually have a goal or a dream or a vision, but what I started to pay attention to was how far like the space between it, how we can play with that, and sometimes it's just like, okay, I'm going to put that out there for me now. It's like, okay, I know, this is what I'm working towards. It's out there somewhere, there's no attachment.
Speaker 2:It brings us back to that attachment as well. Like this is the vision, but I'm not attached to it looking any certain way.
Speaker 1:Because it can't, we have no idea.
Speaker 1:Like it could be even so much better, right. So I go this or something better, right? So there's this thing that I'm working towards, right, like there's the action that I need to do now, what is in my present moment here, and then come back to this present space. And as long as we keep ticking into these spaces where we're taking action and being present into this moment, then we don't we don't have to hold that rubber band right, that rubber band tension, and it's so much nicer to our nervous system and I think it's a really fine line. But I think this is ultimately contentment, right?
Speaker 2:right. This is as you're saying this. I'm recognizing the difference between be playing in fantasy from a place of lack, like what don't I have, what didn't I get, what could I have had more of. It's from this like lack place, versus from a place of contentment and expanding into more, because we are always going to look to the future and we are creating with our fantasy, like we are telling the universe what we want. But if we're holding contentment for what is and acceptance of what is, that pathway is clear versus what could have been I don't have it.
Speaker 1:It's not here, yeah yeah because then ultimately we're sending that signal into the, into the world I don't have it, it's not here yet. And, like you, look at your life and ultimately you probably have so much more than you think and again that creates a disconnect because you're telling the universe I don't even have what I want, it's never going to. I don't even have what I want, it's never going to be enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, versus, I have everything I want and I will come more.
Speaker 1:And if you even think about this, this is something really interesting to think about. If you think about this, like where you are sitting in this moment, at some point in time you probably dreamed of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, maybe five years ago, not even in your wildest dreams, this is beyond what you dream, right, right, right. Even if and I'm going to say look, even in this part here, I didn't dream to be divorced, that's for sure, yeah, right. So beyond my dreams, yes, way beyond your dreams, but way better, yeah, right. Like I'm sad that I'm not married, I will always have a grief in my heart that I'm, that I don't get to have that experience of, like life experience, raising our kids together, all these things, yeah. But also my life is so much better, right, and his too, and my kids too, right, yeah, yeah. So we can't know, and so I think it's a really interesting thing to really just pay attention to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really having gratitude for being in the I am here, where I created and this dream, because maybe not at the beginning of my marriage, but certainly at the end of my marriage, I dreamed to be here, that's damn sure, right. And now I can sit here in such gratitude that even after heartbreak, I am still so freaking grateful for the love, I'm so grateful for how much that shared with me, I'm so grateful in this moment that, oh, my God, look at all these other things that are here to move on from. Yeah Right, like we can sit in these moments, even in the even, like I mean truly you guys when heartbreak, when this shock happened. Jamie was the first person I reached out to and I think the third sentence that she said to me was Carrie, what amazing thing is going to come from the shock?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right. So even in the moment when I was like crushed to the crushedness of crushed, I could sit there and have gratitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah and you can. You can hold both like this is the paradox of being human. It doesn't have to be one or the other. No, you can be completely devastated and still recognize something beautiful is seating here, you know, know, I think that it really does stem from the internal state of where you know where you're at. Have you ever seen a guy that it's, you know, like a meme or something that I just saw on social media? I've seen it before, though, so I'm curious if you've seen it.
Speaker 2:But a guy talks about you know, if you're ever sick of your girl and she's frustrated, annoying and whatever you're frustrated. If you're ever sick of your girl and she's frustrated, annoying and whatever you're frustrated with her, take her picture and make a Tinder profile, and he was like I put her picture out there and she had, you know, like 300, 300 dudes. Like what, wait a second. Now I'm competing with 300 dudes, all these guys would love to be with her. And here I am complaining, and then, like it kept updating and he's like, now she's at like 2000, now she's. He's like, oh my gosh, I've got to protect this. I'm gonna, like, make her dinner and massage her feet and, you know, like all of this stuff. So it's like you have to be grateful for where you're at, not not looking for something better to replace what you already have created, like wanting to not be here, to be somewhere else versus being fully here and expanding into whatever comes next. And they are very different frequencies very different, very different frequencies.
Speaker 1:Also, I'm going to say as a side to that piece that jamie said you, you know like you can be here and move and open to expand. But truly I'm also going to give permission here that if this is the wrong thing, if something in your life is not, if you're not content, yes, or the opposite of content, yes.
Speaker 2:If you're being honest with yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's not right for you. Get the fuck out. Yeah, whatever the thing is. Yeah, whatever the thing is, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:Like, don't worry, that's an equally difficult conversation to have to be super honest with yourself that this, this familiar, comfortable place is not serving me. Yes, to uproot all of that is as equally as challenging as being deeply content with where you're at and not trying to be somewhere else. Right, this is the paradox of being human, and they're both true and they both exist, oftentimes with the same fucking people and the situations and the same dynamics yeah, totally yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think the other thing if we add into here because you wanted to talk about, grass is greener and something we were talking about before we got on the call around grass is greener on the other side, which also comes back to contentment, right, like that we can be. And we were talking about relationships and I was actually saying how I was listening to some married people talk about the, the conversation around finances in relationship, and it was, you know, like there was nothing bad about any of it. It was a very normal, normal conversations that humans have to have when they're in relationships. And I said to Jamie Jamie, I haven't had to have that, like it's weird to think about having that conversation Right, and and I was like, huh, I kind of like the singleness of it.
Speaker 1:And then I was like no, no, I don't actually, because actually I crave having someone to work, to do life with, yeah, and that's going to mean that financially, we're going to be doing things together, which means we need to know about each other's finances, which means we need to have these conversations Right, exactly. And so it's really interesting because, like, we can sit here even in and I hear this all the time with couples, right? Oh my God, it's so good to be single. Look at you. You have so much freedom. I'm like, oh my God, you know how nice it is that you get to go home at the end of the day and talk to your partner. The grass is always greener.
Speaker 2:The thing that you don't have to functionally deal with always looks more attractive. But every reality has its challenges and its blessings, and when you can consider all of it as the whole and not tired of the challenges without remembering the beauty in those same challenges, you know like they are two sides of the same coin.
Speaker 1:Those same challenges, you know like they are two sides of the same coin, I think, and I think the importance of this, because you know, I think this is I think it's a really important thing for people to actually get for the reason of that, when you can come into the space of contentment again, you know, throughout all of these conversations we're having, we're talking about vibration right and actually being able to, as Jamie said, open to that which we want to receive, which is very different than being needy and clingy If you go to our last conversation on attachment right, having needy clinginess that needs to be like I need to have it this way, right and then, from that space, when we're content, like our energetic field which is why I was having that conversation with Jamie before, because I know my energy right now is is feeling a lot in my body Right, and so this has been my journey to actually calm this down, because I know that when I do, because I am a far more comfortable in my own body, but it also means that my frequency to that which I desire is far more aligned.
Speaker 1:And it's really important to have this awareness because when we up-level, when we shift through different paradigms and different dynamics, when we have these shocks, when we have these conversations with our partners, when these things and we get dysregulated, oftentimes there's something that can be gained out of it. Oftentimes it's because we've shell, we've opened something that we didn't know existed, or we've had a trigger come up, or that we've had something that we've had to touch that we didn't touch before, didn't know existed, or we've had a trigger come up, or we've had something that we've had to touch that we didn't touch before. And if we ignore it, then it only like we end up in, probably, resentment, anger, bitterness, blah, blah, blah, which are low vibration energies, anxiety, all these different things which are low vibration energies. And well, anxiety isn't a low vibration. It is a vibration and it will take you further from what you desire.
Speaker 2:Yep, and think about how this ripples into your life. I mean, we are energetic beings, we are frequency, and so if I'm operating in frustration or anger or you know whatever, the, the not self is and and that's gonna impact all of the people around me in the way that they're relating to me as well, so it just continues to create resonance with the thing that I'm feeling, versus when I take responsibility for my satisfaction, for your peace, for projector success, for projector success. You know, it's like when we take responsibility for that vibration within ourselves, it ripples into the world in service to the people closest to us and even, you know, an extension of us beyond whoever's closest to us. Like I just shared on Facebook today. Actually, I had no idea that, following my satisfaction, um, and that sacral, sell the house and move out to the country and ignoring the minds like but what about? But wait a second and figuring out of the details, it was like none of that matters.
Speaker 2:Do this thing right now that it would lead to Rumi finding her satisfaction here, like it wasn't. It wasn't. That wasn't a part of the equation initially, but because I followed my satisfaction, it led to more of that in the people around me. So we ended up moving into a valley which is Rumi's environment and human design, and to watch a different child operate like clarity and curiosity and excitement about things in a short amount of time, it's like holy, holy shit, like I had no idea. It was so kind of baseline normal that I didn't even know that it wasn't healthy until we got out here and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is what you should, this is where she should be operating. And that happened because I was focused on my satisfaction and following my sacral response. And so it's like this recognition that we are responsible for our alignment and trusting that it's going to create beautiful ripples in the world and the people around us, and that doesn't happen when we're wishing we were somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Mm. Uh-oh, right, Uh-oh. I think that I think. On top of that, I'd like to add as well that one of the things that I feel that's important in this as well is that if we don't come to contentness in ourselves and where we are in our lives, we're actually telling the universe that it's not enough and that we're not enough, and that it, like it doesn't matter what you give me, it's never enough. Yeah, so it will stop giving to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause even when you said, if this isn't an alignment for you, make a change. But you can't even become clear on that, if you're always wishing it was something else, in order to get the clarity of what is right for me, you have to be an acceptance of what is it, of where you're at now, like a surrender to the what is in order to know what would be better. But if you're always like I'm just going to avoid this and I'm going to hope and wish for something different, you're not. You're not creating an opening for real change to get you to the right place, cause even if you leave this and go to something else, you're still avoiding what is, and so you're going to end up in another situation that just reflects the same dynamic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're actually avoiding yourself, right? If you can't find the contentment in yourself or get rid of the things that are not serving you, then you're avoiding something in yourself and running from a pattern in yourself that is keeping you trapped on the hamster wheel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just not.
Speaker 1:And if you want to get off that jet that's what Jamie and I do, by the way yeah, get off that damn hamster wheel. You want to talk about money stuff? Talk to me. And talk about parenting stuff? Talk to Jamie, and it is. It's really it's like you know, the work that we do in our, in our groups and with our, with our own one-on-one work with people. This is ultimately how we help each help people is to come into themselves and and see their patterns and be able to make changes so that they can be content and all relationships start here.
Speaker 2:Like all relationships start with your relationship to self. Whether it's money or a partner or kids or whatever the change it's, it has to happen in you. You can't change all the other things without starting right here at home.
Speaker 1:So I always think it's fascinating when I look at, when I watch clients and I often say to people you don't have to make massive changes in your life to actually change your state Right, and a lot of people might come feeling really unhappy about something, but it's like you can still be in the same exact position of your life, like I'm, have the same job, the same parents, the same husband or wife or kids or whatever friends circle.
Speaker 2:All that stuff can stay the same and it's amazing how much it will change when you actually change your inner dialogue with yourself and you come to this contentment, when you can come to this place of um truly finding peace in life yeah, it's like when you take charge of the narrative, because the mind will run some bullshit stories, fuck yeah, um, but if you, if you begin to be in charge of the narrative, the inner narrative, yeah, all the external stuff can be exactly the same, but the story internally flips and it's a completely different experience and it might mean, and it might mean, people do leave your life, I mean, and it's okay, yeah, right and that's okay, it's like yeah, it feels if I mean I'm like I said I'm going through it, it feels heart-wrenching at the time, but also it's okay, like this or something better, this or something.
Speaker 1:this or something better, this or something better, this or something better, this or something better, this or something better. I think that's a perfect way to end this one. Love you, love you.
Speaker 2:If you enjoyed this show, let us know. We're all about authentic connections, so come chat with us on social media or email. Links are listed in the show notes.
Speaker 1:So come chat with us on social media or email. Links are listed in the show notes. No-transcript no-transcript.
Speaker 2:We're all about authentic connections, so come chat with us on social media or email. Links are listed in the show notes.
Speaker 1:And please make sure to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform and share the magic on your socials.
